Day 3

Day 03 – Your parents

Well, if this isn't a subject I would rather not touch, I don't know what is. My parents were as different as night and day.

They married young. They wanted a baby, which was against my mom's Dr's advice because she was on new heart medication. He said she needed to be on the medicine at least a year before trying. Well, nothing would do for her and my dad and several months after they were married, she was pregnant with me.

It was a disaster due to her medical conditions. She was sick all the time and they were immature. My dad ended up bailing because of the stress and they were already on the way to a divorce when I made my entrance in this world.

I think my mom was heart broken for a long time and probably told me things as a young child that I didn't need to hear. I don't think she meant to harm me, but she did. The story that I have always heard was that in divorce proceedings, my dad said he would not ask to see me or have any custody if my mom wouldn't ask him to pay child support. So, that's the way it was.

I didn't really know much about him, but little by little as I got older, I found out that he was remarried and he had a son and daughter. I always longed to have brothers and sisters, so knowing they were there right in the next town REALLY, REALLY damaged me.

When I was 15, my dad contacted my mom about seeing me. She wasn't nice, I was a kid and confused and said more out of loyalty to my mom that I didn't want to see him. My mom had another conversation with him that I didn't know about until years later. She told him that if he wanted to have a relationship with me, he would wait until I was old enough to really process and make my own decision. So he did. On my 21st birthday, he called my apartment phone and I didn't know how to react. We ended up talking for several weeks and I went to his house one Friday night to see him.

My little brother was 11 and my sister was 7 at the time, so I was elated that it might not be too late for me and them. I did everything I could to be a good sister. But, his wife would not accept me. My dad and step mom began to fight a lot and things just got way out of hand. I ended up making the decision to just leave well enough alone. I missed my siblings terribly, but I refused to turn their functional family into dysfunctional because of me.

My brother is now married and my little sister graduated high school this May and got engaged last week. I know this because we're friends on facebook. It breaks my heart that things are the way they are, but I don't know how to fix them.

I ran into my dad in Walmart recently and it was just weird. I wanted him to just hug me and hold me. We stood at the end of the kitchen isle and talked for 30 minutes. He asked me was there anything specific that he could pray for me about. I told him no, just his prayers in general were appreciated. I left that store in tears because even though my mom and grandma raised me well, all I have ever wanted was to be a daddy's girl.

Day 2

(Shane this summer)

Day 02-First Love

So here I am blogging about day 2's challenge. My first love. I sat here a little while and thought about this. I almost decided to write about Tim, who I was in a 3 year relationship after high school with. Then I started thinking, he wasn't the first man I REALLY loved.

It was Shane.

What a history I have with him.

We met in high school. He was 2 years younger than me and that meant a few grades behind me. But as fate would have it, my junior year of high school, he auditioned and made it into Honors Choir. This was a huge thing for a freshman to achieve, so he caught my eye in first period right away. He sang bass and I sang alto. If it was a 5 part harmony piece, we usually got placed in the same group. He was funny, almost downright hilarious, and we became friends fast.

We never officially dated but we spent the majority of our free time together. When he was 16, I helped him get a job at Ingles bagging groceries where I worked , so even more of our free time was consumed with one another.

I have memories of Shane that I hope to never forget. He was my first kiss, the first guy that I ever confided my secrets with and the guy that chased me and threw homemade bombs(not dangerous one..wouldn't have hurt me) in my yard to be funny. ( It wasn't so funny the next day when we realized he had killed my Grandma's roses!)

We made a pact after Tim and I broke up, that if we were 28 and single that we would marry each other. He turned the "dirty thirty" yesterday and I took him a cake. I often wonder if he remembers us making that pact? I can tell you where and what we were doing when we made it.

Shane's turned into an awesome man. He is going through a divorce right now and maintains full custody of his 4 year old son. He's a wonderful daddy and works hard to provide for Chandler.

There are soooo many more things I could say about Shane or memories that I could share, but I will close here with this: He was my first love, but he never broke my heart, and to this day, he still holds a pretty good piece of it.

Day 1

Day 01 – Introduce

So, today's the day. The day that I am suppose to introduce myself to the world. Its hard to put who I am on "paper". I always sit when and ponder "Who am I really?"

For sure things I know about myself are my titles so to speak....I am a Child of God, Daughter, Granddaughter, God Mama to 5 GLORIOUS kiddos, Singer, Sunday School Nursery Teacher, Leader, Home Care/Outreach Coordinator, and friend to many.

Most people on the outside looking in assume that I am confident and collected, but the reality is that I am neither of these things on the inside. I worry too much about the way people think of me and want everyone to like me. When I know someone is not happy about me or I have angered them in some way, it gets to me greatly. I am often misunderstood. I have taken Personality tests and they always score me smack dab in the middle of being Type A or B.....however, I personally think I am more Type A.

Now, on to more concrete things about me....I am 31, and was born and raised in good 'ol South Carolina. I did a brief stint in Georgia about a year and a half ago. I thought I wanted a new change, but after about 6 months I realized I missed home, so home is where I came back to. I am divorced and have no children. A lot of people think I have it made because I can do things as I please, but I would rather be tied down and a mother more than anything in this world. I keep trusting and trying to believe that it will happen one day, but as the minutes and hours and days and months pass by, my faith does waver.

There is so much more that I could write about myself, but I will save more for the other days of this challenge for fear of sounding repetitive.

I hope everyone is blessed and encouraged today!

A Challenge.

I'm giving myself til the end of the week to get this bucket list of mine together and then I will post it on here for everyone to read.

I also am going to be doing a blogging challenge that my girly, Heather has going on. Each day you have to blog on a specific thing about yourself.

Below is the layout for entries:

Day 01 – Introduce
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of loveDay
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week

Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment

I will be starting this tomorrow, so stay tuned! :)

A Review.

By Stephenie Meyer

I picked up this novella(only 178 pages) along with 12, yes, 12 other books during my short vacation in TN. I read this one off and on for 2 days and finished it a little while ago. I have been a huge twilight fan from the get go, so I was anxious to read this short story about Bree Tanner. She was the newborn that didn't fight against the Cullens. Carlisle and Esme wanted to save her, but the Volturi would not agree to that. This book basically tells how the newborns act from Bree's perspective. It was a little gruesome in places, it actually made me cringe a few times.

In the movie, I really was hoping that Bree would be spared and worked into the storyline somehow. The book made me want that worse, because she had found friendship and a young love with Diego, a fellow newborn.
I would recommend this book to the die hard twilighters. The Cullens don't appear in the story until the end....so don't hold your breath waiting on them. :)
Another neat thing about this book is this sticker on the front cover, way to go Stephenie!

PS...Please excuse the poor quality of these photos, my camera batteries are low!

Almost the end.

My little vaca is about to come to an end. I have enjoyed this time alone for the most part. There were a few moments that I thought about what might have been and about some past trips that I have taken here with other people who were/are important to me.

I did have a couple of good and bad experiences while I was here in Gatlinburg so I think I will share them in my next entries.

I also am still thinking about my bucket list, I know a couple things that are for sure going on there, just have to think really hard about the rest. :)

I've got to get in the bed, check out from the hotel is at 10 am! Too early! Back to reality for me!

Does anyone even read this?

Does anyone even stop by here anymore? I seriously suck at blogging. I use to be so good at it back in the day when I met everyone on AOL journals. I hung out with Heather(an original AOL buddy) recently when I was near Nashville for a work related seminar. I told her that I didn't have anything to write about anymore. I've just grown dull.

Anyhow, I am going to try to do better. I am reading again like I use to and I have been thinking about creating my bucket list. So, if nothing else, I can share these things as I go along.

Oh, I changed my blogs clothes tonight too, I am LOVING zebra print right now. :) I am planning on coordinating my new office at work with zebra print accents. Maybe I can post pictures once its all done. Hmmm, maybe I have more to write about than I think?